New entry: your-advice-doesnt-work-for-me

1 files changed, 21 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/content/entry/your-advice-doesnt-work-for-me.md b/content/entry/your-advice-doesnt-work-for-me.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..85e0227
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/entry/your-advice-doesnt-work-for-me.md
@@ -0,0 +1,21 @@
+---
+title: "Your Advice Doesn't Work For Me"
+date: 2025-05-10T00:00:00Z
+tags: ['autism']
+draft: false
+---
+When I was younger, I was scolded probably hundreds of times for "not paying enough attention". No matter how hard I paid attention though, it didn't help, but people still kept insisting that I wasn't paying enough attention anyways. Eventually, I got to the bottom of my "attention" problem. Surprise surprise, it had nothing to do with a lack of attention. I found out that I'm autistic, and other factors were at play.
+
+One of which was a distracting environment which caused me to undergo sensory overload and miss what was said. The issue wasn't a lack of attention, but rather an inability to keep my attention narrowly focused on the current conversation instead of all the background noise that was overwhelming me. No one ever suggested that an overstimulating environment could be the problem though.
+
+Another was people communicating too quickly. I can't process new information as quickly as most people, so sometimes I need to ask people to repeat things more slowly, or write them down for me. No one ever suggested that to me either.
+
+And being told to pay more attention is but a single example. I've been assigned so many [harmful, innacurate labels](/2025/02/14/labels/ "Journal Entry: Labels") by cocksure neurotypicals who thought they knew me. For example, they've told me that I'm dramatic when reacting to loud noises. But how would they know if I'm being dramatic? They can't climb inside my head and see what it's like for me. It's incredibly frustrating when someone who doesn't have autistic noise sensitivity and hasn't done any research on the topic won't listen to someone who has dealt with it their whole life.
+
+And I think not being listened to is a common problem us neurodivergents face. Tourette syndrome? "You're just undisciplined. Try harder to control it." Autism? "Don't be antisocial." OCD? "Just don't think about it." These comments are exhausting to deal with. A lot of it just comes down to ignorance about mental health. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing—people watch one Tiktok or one documentary about it and they think they know everything about your life.
+
+Neurotypicals, understand that some of us are different. Some of us have autism, alexithymia, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, sociopathy, or some other deviation from the neurological average. You may think you know what we're going through, but you probably don't. In my own personal experience, the most effective life strategies I've learned for living in this world with autism have either come from personal experience, my own research, or another autistic person like myself. Very seldom have they come from a neurotypical.
+
+Don't get me wrong. Giving advice is fine, but please have some humility. We face challenges you don't, and you may not be able to help with those. Also, the standard advice for common challenges doesn't always work for us. We may require a custom solution that you're not aware of. So don't just assume that you have all the answers to our problems. Recognize that things are not always what they seem on the surface, not everyone is like you, and it's not their fault if the generic advice doesn't work for them, *even if they don't have a diagnosable condition*.
+
+Finally, if you learned anything from this entry, you may also enjoy my previous entry "[How to Help an Autistic Person](/2023/02/02/how-to-help-an-autistic-person/ "Journal Entry: How to Help an Autistic Person")". I know the title says it's for autistic people, but I think the advice generalizes.